I have heard talking heads complain about America being “over-therapized”; since we first recognized Rowan’s speech delay and Davin’s delays, we have had seven therapists (in addition to many doctors). Rowan started with a physical therapist and a developmental therapist (this is when they thought he couldn’t talk because he couldn’t walk, when in fact it was his ears that slowed his walking) and now he works with a speech pathologist who specializes in audio verbal therapy. Davin worked with a speech therapist, and occupational therapist, and a resource teacher last year. This summer he is attending a speech camp that is run by speech therapists, he continues to work with his occupational therapist from school, and he attends a social skills class run by a therapist who specializes in helping kids with Aspergers. In addition, I attended classes and workshops run by these therapists as well as worked directly with our therapists to glean information from them about how to help our boys. Are we “over-therapized”? Maybe, but a few days ago we met with a child psychiatrist who told us that Davin is doing well enough that he doesn’t need any additional medical interventions or medications at this time. I know that is an achievement brought about in part because of the loving and patient teachers and therapists that have worked with him over the last twelve months. In addition to the blessing of adding these beautiful people into our lives, I feel like I have had the opportunity to attend the School for Moms. This is the school that all of us would like to go to where they give you all the answers on how to be a good mom and give your kids what they need. I don’t claim to be perfect at it but I have learned some awesome tricks from my therapist and I thought I would share a few.
- Social Stories: Carol Gray pioneered the idea of using social stories as a way to teach autistic children about appropriate behaviors; people with autism are “socially blind” where they have difficulty reading social cues and understanding appropriate responses. The idea is that you write a story about the child as if the child is the first person narrator for the story (i.e. Hi, my name is Davin and this is my story about…). The story can target a specific behavior that you want to teach (not picking noses in public, when to talk to strangers, etc); the story can also be used to talk about an upcoming change that may be stressful to the child such as moving or going to a new school. It can help them to understand what to expect and what the rules are for the new situation. There are some rules about writing the books; most of the sentences should be descriptive of the situation. If you want to target a negative behavior, the sentence shouldn’t be directed at the child as the first person negative as this can sometimes suggest the behavior to the child. Instead, talk about the behavior in the third person; for example: “Some kids might run in the halls at school but not me! I will try to follow the rules and not run.” In a social story, you also have to be a little careful of absolute statements (i.e. I will always follow the rules) as it may not always be correct (i.e. “I will try to follow the rules” gives a more realistic goal). The books don’t have to be fancy; they can be written on the fly or put together on the computer if you want to have multiple copies. For younger kids, using pictures of the child can help them to understand better whereas an older child might like drawing their own pictures. The best time to introduce the book isn’t during the middle of a bad moment but instead during story time. My boys think it is so fun that they are the “star” of the book and we have the opportunity to talk about the behavior we are working on during a happy and positive moment (versus a time when I’m stressed and not being as patient), so I feel like I’m a better teacher. Davin had an incident where he was stung by a wasp while sitting on our couch. He started to get a little panicky about bugs so I put together our bug book. It talked a lot about all the different bugs and mentioned some bugs that may hurt him. It also talked about what he could do if he found a bug that might hurt him and how he could respond. He stopped worrying about bugs and it wasn’t an issue. For Rowan, where is language skills are more limited, I don’t even make a whole book. I take pictures of him and turn them into a set of sequence cards (3-4 cards describing a series of actions such as Rowan picking strawberries) and we use them to talk about events to build his vocabulary. I was really impressed with this method for teaching behaviors; I think that often we assume that our little kids can understand what we expect from them even if they have more advanced language but they really may not understand what the rules are which results in tantrums. If you are trying to potty train, teach manners in a restaurant, help your child go from nursery to Sunbeams, a story may be a valuable tool in helping your child to understand what he or she should do.
- O.W.L.: This acronym stands for “observe, wait, and listen.” I took a six week course on the Hanen method, which is a method for teaching children to talk, particularly those with language delays. “OWL-ing” was one of the foundational elements to the course and it is critical to good communication in general. The idea is that when you are interacting with your child, observe what they are interested in and ask them about it. If they don’t give an immediate response, wait for it to come. When it does come, make sure that you listen! In the class, the instructor applied this idea to reading books to your child. Instead of just bulldozing from the beginning to end, give your child the book and let him direct how the story is read. You may not read all the words or even go in order, but you will engage your child in an interactive reading experience that will teach them better critical thinking and communication skills. I think the underlying idea is that in order to communicate with kids, a little more patience is needed. I’m tucking this idea away for when I have teenagers because I think communication will only get harder.
Handwriting workbooks: Davin’s occupational therapist is very cleaver and I am indebted to her for many fun and interesting ideas for teaching kids. Handwriting is not Davin’s favorite; he struggles to stay focused on any activity involving a pen, crayon, marker, or pencil. However, Davin’s teacher is great at making work into fun. She made a handwriting notebook for Davin so that he can practice at home. It is in a three ring binder and the pages are in plastic page protectors; he uses a dry erase marker on the plastic surface so that we can wipe it clean and use the page again. We have used this idea for other notebooks as well (including their church quiet book) and it is great because it saves a lot of paper.
I think the greatest thing that I have developed since I started working with our boys is a deeper level of patience. Before I had kids, I thought I was a pretty patient person but I quickly learned the limits of my patience. I still lose patience, get frustrated, and feel like things are never going to improve, but I feel like my ability to patiently work through a situation has certainly improved. Admittedly it has been a refining eighteen months but I am a better parent because of it and it makes those moments of success all the more meaningful.
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